Long Overdue

So I couldn’t help thinking today: I hide a lot of my true thoughts. I was watching an episode of “The Simpsons” today in my communal kitchen (yeah, sorry Mom and Dad), and whenever anyone else would walk in, I would quickly, although not immediately (as if I were doing something wrong) shut my sound off/shut my laptop, so others wouldn’t see me watching ‘heretical’ cartoons.
It’s funny to think about really. There’s no sex. Very little swearing. And plus, they’re cartoons.
I do also do this far more often when I listen to music. In particular David Bazan, along with other music. Generally the kind that might have ‘colourful words’, I will in fact shut it as if there’s something wrong. I think I will continue to do so with music that has ‘cursing’ or what have you – since some people might get actually offended by that sort of stuff.
However, on the other hand, David Bazan has some crazy ideas. I’m pretty sure, that thinking of his writings, I would venture to say that he is by no means a Christian, although he used to certainly be. This really comes out in his lyrics. He writes a lot about doubt, which helps me struggle through what my faith means, what I believe, and all other sorts of ethical, moral and religious issues. His music, to me, really is deep and spiritual. However, he touches on topics like adultery, alcohol, and heresy a lot. I mean, a lot. Usually these stories are painted with a brush that reaches the “full breadth of the English language”.



But all that to say, I’d really like to be more open and honest about who I am, and especially what I think. I feel like I sometimes hide my thoughts from others. I don’t want to do that anymore. I guess I’d really like for this blog to turn into my actual thoughts, not really my happenings. The latter will surely affect it, but not solely based off of.

So here are some things that I’ve been thinking a lot about over the last year. And I mean really thinking about (in no particular order):
- If I had grown up in a Muslim, Hindu, or Jewish home (or any other religion), would I believe in that faith as much as I believe in this one? (Nature vs. Nurture…)
-How can the God of the Old Testament be the God of the New? They feel like two different personalities.
-If Jesus really was perfect, why didn’t he cast a stone at the adulterous woman? Or why did he pick grain on the Sabbath? Surely these are requirements of perfection as stated by OT law?…
-Does prayer actually work? I mean, we pray, and if nothing happens, that means God said either, “No,” or “Wait.” But if what we want to have happen happens, then God must’ve said, “Yes”. But really, did it make a difference? Or is there even an alternate reality based off of whether or not I prayed? A time-space-‘Y’ in the “road”, thus altering all of history? Or is my prayer really that important? Is it more for personal growth? (Maybe that is not only a theological question, but just as well, a physics thought. Not that I’ll get the answer, but that’s the point, right? Not really the answer, but the journey of the search for truth? See this for more on my train of thinking this... [http://www.tenthdimension.com/flash2.php]) And understand that I really do still appreciate your prayers just the same. And I’m not saying that your prayers (or mine) are worthless. I still find value in it.
- I’m beginning to think that I believe in inclusive salvation. If you’re not sure what that means, then ask me. I’d like to talk about it.
- I’m not sure whether I believe in creation or evolution. Put a gun to my head? Probably evolution. But not really meaning it with my heart. But if I said creation, my heart wouldn’t be in it either…
- I am having a harder time telling other people they’re wrong (not that I was big on it in the first place). And I’m increasingly using the phrase “Well, what I see as truth…”. I’m becoming increasingly post-modern.
- The authority of scripture, in my opinion, is seriously inspired. Definitely divine. But inerrant? Probably a stretch. Understand though, I am still very wary of picking and choosing. Very wary.
- I have become more ‘open-minded’. I guess it’s foolish to go somewhere to learn, and end up coming out with all the same knowledge you came with. So I have to open my mind up to things I’ve never thought of before. It’s dangerous, sure. But I’d say the pluses outweigh the minuses.
- I'm having a hard time with this whole 'Hell' thing. Not sure how I feel. God is love, so I have a hard time with that. Jesus is all about the outcasts. Why then , would he turn around and make outcasts of those he loves?
- And on a completely shallow note: I’ve become really health conscious. I’d really like a 6 pack. And I now currently enjoy running. So let’s hope these two can find their way into oneness. (This one might seem out of place, but if all goes as planned, I’ll hopefully get some before and after photos up here in a few months; so it may or may not be relevant.)

Well, I guess this is really just a preview of things to come for this old, dusty webpage-of-a-blog. I apologize for being so lazy with this thing. But I’m hoping to actually use it. It’ll be a journey. And hopefully you’ll see me grow, and mature, and change. I hope, just as well, that you’ll be challenged to tackle these questions as well. I think sometimes we ignore the important questions in order to seek comfort in ignorance, or at least a lack of awareness.

Gotta go write a paper on Adultery now. Hopefully that’ll make for some good material here.

-Mark.