Balance

What is it about us that we want to rebel so much? Not necessarily talking about my parents here; in fact, I don't think I'm really talking about parents at all. But why do we continually want to rebel against each other? It seems that those who support one idea to an extreme point-too-far are in fact the reason that people to go the other extreme direction one those same continuums. Whenever I read an article like this one, for example, I am suddenly compelled to side with the victims, regardless of their moral convictions. It could be that I see an injustice, and want, more than to agree with them, to support them. Or maybe I'm just appalled at the actions of someone who probably agrees with most of my ideas, and I am therefore repelled to what I see that we both have in common. Regardless, I am finding more and more that my desire to support people is outweighing my desire that they would agree with me. It's a tough balance between cowardice and sympathy. I can't lay down my ideas in order that I can just get along with other, yet I can't let my ideas get in the way of getting along with others. Trying to get along with everyone is near impossible though, and it seems I like to side (at least in my mind) with the underdog. I've been thinking a lot about gay rights and the bible.

It's funny that we'll condemn homosexuality as a sin using the Bible. Mostly funny because it wasn't too long ago that people were using the Bible to support slavery and male dominance (and may still use it today). I guess I've been pondering how our convictions are shaped so much by our immediate context. I grew up in a house that was against homosexuality, not necessarily gays. Not that the topic came up that much, but it probably did a few times. I'm not so sure anymore where I stand on this topic of homosexuality. I would say now, though, I'm a firm believer in equal rights for gay people. I have no right to deny any human being equality, regardless of lifestyle choice. However, I wouldn't go so far as to say that the church ought to be mandated to perform gay marriage ceremonies, because that would make no sense - forcing one group to give up their rights so another group could have those rights once owned by the former. But anyway, I guess I just don't know where I stand on gay marriage. I have heard every argument under the sun against homosexual practice, but haven't ever really read anyone who legitimately argued for gay theology.

Which makes me think of how (at least in the UK), adoption agencies are not allowed to turn down a gay couple adopting a child, even if that agency is a church. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, can I really deny someone the right to have a child? But on the other, can I live with the fact that people are being forced to do something completely against their will? That's a toughie.

-Mark.

Tenth Dimension

My brain has been pretty wrapped up in thinking about this video I saw.

Here it is...

http://www.tenthdimension.com/medialinks.php

Primitive

They tell me that Abraham most likely did not see YHWH (God) in the same way we see him today. In fact, it is pretty likely that Abraham may have even died, with a very small inkling that God (YHWH) was the only God, and that he most likely thought that God was just his God, not the only God. This is a little unsettling for me. Am I simply following a religion made up by some guy that thought his God was the best, and that the other 'gods' weren't as good - which evolved into his subsequent followers claiming all other ‘gods’ as false?

I mostly think about this because I look at today's vision of who God is to us. We have Christianity (and probably God) so tied up in this era of Modernism that some people have a really hard time giving up the thoughts of modernism. Christianity, at one point in time, was quite opposed to science, and still is to some degree. But it seems that with each scientific development, Christianity (and often times our view of God) changes with these same developments we once opposed, but now see as obvious truth. We've found that the earth revolves around the sun, that the earth is round - not flat, and that secular knowledge is helpful. No thanks to the Christians for destroying many prominent works, such as the Library of Alexandria. These oppositions set the world hundreds of years backwards in terms of technology. Yet, Christianity has outlived all those atrocities, and technological changes. We thought that every dodgy woman was a witch, and came up with ludicrous ideas to capture them, but now we're too mature for those things. But when did God change? When did God decide that witches were okay to kill, but now we can't kill unborn children? Is one of these lives more important than the other? I feel that there may be a missing link somewhere. It’s just hard for me because I see the way that technology has a way of proving itself, even in the face of Christian hostility. And that, often times, Christians are too stuck to their old ways of thinking, that we can’t move on.

Which is why I find myself so sympathetic to post-modern thinking. Because in order for the church to continue in it’s practice of staying relevant, and accepting changes, it must adapt to new ways of thought. That maybe we don’t have everything right, that we (literally) aren’t the centre of the universe.

But that brings me back to my original point. Do we think this way because we are bound to be this way? Is Christianity just an evolved religion that stems from a tribal religious inspiration? I would sure like to hope not.

-Mark.

Inclusive...

I read a really interesting article today by Brian McLaren. It's essentially a walkthorugh (I hesitate to use the word commentary) of John 14:6 and the context surrounding it [because, although I haven't read Newbigin, I think that his work ought to be the one deemed a commentary]. Now, that bracket isn't to say that Brian McLaren has no authority on this subject, I'm just saying it's clearly not written to serve as a commentary.

But on to the point.

His premise is really built around the verse when Jesus says, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). However, McLaren (and assumedly Newbigin) would argue that what Jesus is NOT talking about is heaven. And that what Jesus is referring to is actually the Kingdom of God. And to tell you the truth, it doesn't seem that crazy of an idea.

Do we honestly think that Jesus, the fleshly incarnation of God, would intervene in humanity to simply recreate a legalistic, elitist religion? You can clearly see that Jesus doesn't hold the Pharisees and Sadduccees in the highest of respects because of the way that they've seriously degraded Judaism, and made it about ritualism, as opposed to the love and heartfelt compassion shown through the Ancient Israeli faith. Is it that we think Jesus came to destroy one religion to simply put another one up? Doesn't this seem a bit ludicrous?
Wasn't the death of God (on the cross) something for all people, in all time? Or was his death simply a way for us to change our course? Going from a set of legalistic Jewish customs to an equally legalistic set of Gentile customs?

It seems silly for Jesus to come, live a life of compassion, redemption, servitude and mercy, and then cut off all the people he sought to reach out to. His actions would be simply contradictory. However, I am really enjoying chewing on this idea that Jesus was really referring to the Kingdom of God here. Not that no one gets to this kingdom without Jesus, but that we don't need to worry how to get there. Just follow Jesus, and he'll take care of the rest. That the focus is not on inclusion or exclusion, but about love, and mercy.

Sometimes, though, when I think about this 'new approach' McLaren (and Newbigin) take, I have to think, 'Is this really new'? I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've never taken this verse and looked at it in context. Not to say that the classic interpretaiton is out of context, but just that I've always heard it quoted over and over on it's own.

The compassion and Jesus shows in his life doesn't seem to line up with the intensely exclusive interpretation of this verse. I can clearly see McLaren's point there. But I have a hard time thinking what else it could mean. I really just very confused by this. I'll have to read through his article a few more times to really understand what he's saying. It's good. Give it a read.

-Mark.


I guess my main concern is: "What if the questions we’re asking aren’t the ones that Jesus is interested in answering? What then?"

Long Overdue

So I couldn’t help thinking today: I hide a lot of my true thoughts. I was watching an episode of “The Simpsons” today in my communal kitchen (yeah, sorry Mom and Dad), and whenever anyone else would walk in, I would quickly, although not immediately (as if I were doing something wrong) shut my sound off/shut my laptop, so others wouldn’t see me watching ‘heretical’ cartoons.
It’s funny to think about really. There’s no sex. Very little swearing. And plus, they’re cartoons.
I do also do this far more often when I listen to music. In particular David Bazan, along with other music. Generally the kind that might have ‘colourful words’, I will in fact shut it as if there’s something wrong. I think I will continue to do so with music that has ‘cursing’ or what have you – since some people might get actually offended by that sort of stuff.
However, on the other hand, David Bazan has some crazy ideas. I’m pretty sure, that thinking of his writings, I would venture to say that he is by no means a Christian, although he used to certainly be. This really comes out in his lyrics. He writes a lot about doubt, which helps me struggle through what my faith means, what I believe, and all other sorts of ethical, moral and religious issues. His music, to me, really is deep and spiritual. However, he touches on topics like adultery, alcohol, and heresy a lot. I mean, a lot. Usually these stories are painted with a brush that reaches the “full breadth of the English language”.



But all that to say, I’d really like to be more open and honest about who I am, and especially what I think. I feel like I sometimes hide my thoughts from others. I don’t want to do that anymore. I guess I’d really like for this blog to turn into my actual thoughts, not really my happenings. The latter will surely affect it, but not solely based off of.

So here are some things that I’ve been thinking a lot about over the last year. And I mean really thinking about (in no particular order):
- If I had grown up in a Muslim, Hindu, or Jewish home (or any other religion), would I believe in that faith as much as I believe in this one? (Nature vs. Nurture…)
-How can the God of the Old Testament be the God of the New? They feel like two different personalities.
-If Jesus really was perfect, why didn’t he cast a stone at the adulterous woman? Or why did he pick grain on the Sabbath? Surely these are requirements of perfection as stated by OT law?…
-Does prayer actually work? I mean, we pray, and if nothing happens, that means God said either, “No,” or “Wait.” But if what we want to have happen happens, then God must’ve said, “Yes”. But really, did it make a difference? Or is there even an alternate reality based off of whether or not I prayed? A time-space-‘Y’ in the “road”, thus altering all of history? Or is my prayer really that important? Is it more for personal growth? (Maybe that is not only a theological question, but just as well, a physics thought. Not that I’ll get the answer, but that’s the point, right? Not really the answer, but the journey of the search for truth? See this for more on my train of thinking this... [http://www.tenthdimension.com/flash2.php]) And understand that I really do still appreciate your prayers just the same. And I’m not saying that your prayers (or mine) are worthless. I still find value in it.
- I’m beginning to think that I believe in inclusive salvation. If you’re not sure what that means, then ask me. I’d like to talk about it.
- I’m not sure whether I believe in creation or evolution. Put a gun to my head? Probably evolution. But not really meaning it with my heart. But if I said creation, my heart wouldn’t be in it either…
- I am having a harder time telling other people they’re wrong (not that I was big on it in the first place). And I’m increasingly using the phrase “Well, what I see as truth…”. I’m becoming increasingly post-modern.
- The authority of scripture, in my opinion, is seriously inspired. Definitely divine. But inerrant? Probably a stretch. Understand though, I am still very wary of picking and choosing. Very wary.
- I have become more ‘open-minded’. I guess it’s foolish to go somewhere to learn, and end up coming out with all the same knowledge you came with. So I have to open my mind up to things I’ve never thought of before. It’s dangerous, sure. But I’d say the pluses outweigh the minuses.
- I'm having a hard time with this whole 'Hell' thing. Not sure how I feel. God is love, so I have a hard time with that. Jesus is all about the outcasts. Why then , would he turn around and make outcasts of those he loves?
- And on a completely shallow note: I’ve become really health conscious. I’d really like a 6 pack. And I now currently enjoy running. So let’s hope these two can find their way into oneness. (This one might seem out of place, but if all goes as planned, I’ll hopefully get some before and after photos up here in a few months; so it may or may not be relevant.)

Well, I guess this is really just a preview of things to come for this old, dusty webpage-of-a-blog. I apologize for being so lazy with this thing. But I’m hoping to actually use it. It’ll be a journey. And hopefully you’ll see me grow, and mature, and change. I hope, just as well, that you’ll be challenged to tackle these questions as well. I think sometimes we ignore the important questions in order to seek comfort in ignorance, or at least a lack of awareness.

Gotta go write a paper on Adultery now. Hopefully that’ll make for some good material here.

-Mark.

Thoughts of a Lazy Guy

I am spoiled. It’s true. It’s not my parent’s fault. It’s not society’s fault. It’s basically my fault. I say basically (probably) because I’d like to think that there’s some other factor I haven’t discovered that has made me this way.

Now, let’s understand here; I wouldn’t go so far as to say, “spoiled rotten”, but I know that I’ve been given a lot. Not sure of what; probably money. Well, not me, but, ya know, my parents endow me with help quite the large amount. Again, this isn’t to blame them in the least bit, because being spoiled isn’t about having money (in my personal opinion) but, rather, about what you do with that money.



So…
I’ve been reading this book as of late. It’s incredibly fascinating. It’s called “The Elegant Universe” by Brian Greene. It’s basically a pop-science book; a book about theoretical science explained in a “String Theory For Dummies” sort of language, so as to communicate amazing science discoveries to the masses. And it’s funny, mostly because this book is really changing who I am. Not really anything to do with my faith in science, or in God (although it challenges it in some aspects), but rather the way I behave.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been incredibly lazy. Not the sort of, lazy day with a blanket wrapped around you all day while you sip hot cocoa and watch re-runs of “I Love Lucy” all day long. I’m talking about the wake-up-in-bed-and-watch-s

crubs-on-your-computer-for-eight-hours-and-fall-asleep-at-two-in-the-morning-because-you-woke-up-at-four. Please don’t judge. This only actually sort of happened once (okay, so maybe I got up, showered, ate food, read a little, and did some other stuff). But regardless, my life has been slightly productive. Just productive enough to make myself feel good, but not enough to actually feel accomplished.

Alright, to, hopefully, sum things up here…
I’ve started reading this book; and instead of staying up to my usual 2 a.m. internet tv show marathons accompanied with loads of Facebook stalking… er… um… browsing. I’ve been staying up [to nearly the same hours] only this time I’m reading. But not only that. I take breaks from reading, and cook meals. Instead of taking my laptop into the kitchen with me, I’ll just watch my hamburgers (24 for £5 at Costco!) and think. Not just about this book, but I’ll sit alone, in my kitchen, with my thoughts. It’s actually a good feeling. To think. I feel that I, all too often, zone out my creative thoughts by watching too many movies or TV shows. And instead of reading until my eyes can’t take it anymore (like I would to with TV); I’ll read until I’m just tired enough to keep thinking, but not too tired that I’m about to pass out. That’s when I stay awake*, for about a half-hour, lying in bed, alone, again, with my thoughts. Again, not just about this book, but about life in general.

It feels good to be alive again. I guess that’s the only way I can describe it.

Now to many of you who think this is silly and trivial, you’re probably right. It’s silly to get wrapped up in a TV show, or not even wrapped up, just too lazy to do anything else. But regardless, I felt some sort of need to write this down. And, along with this, I’m discovering that I really enjoy writing (not on my laptop), but writing with a pen, and paper. Like I did when I was a kid, in cursive, so I have plenty of time to think my thoughts out before penning them too quickly. Although, I’ll admit that I typed this thing on my Lappy.

Anywhositwhatsit…

Back to my original thought. (I went on that enormous side note because I thought this thought when I was cooking dinner a few days ago, and it came back to me a couple days after I first thought it when I was lying awake at night).

I thought to myself, am I spoiled to the point to where I have so much that I have no ambition? Don’t take this the wrong way, I have plenty of hopes and dreams and ambitious goals to seek out before I die. But is living in luxury a blessing or a curse? Truly, it is about what you do with your wealth. But, have I been responsible with the lifestyle I’ve been given? Have I really been given this lifestyle, or am I still choosing to live it? Is it wrong to have extra money that I spend on pointless crap while others are suffering and dying from not having clean water? At what point should I give up everything I own? Is it better for me to just keep on living a cushy lifestyle and in the end probably endow others with more money over the course of a slow lifetime rather than give everything up now? How much is too much? How much am I allowed to live off of?

And back to ambition. I guess my main thought was this: the book I’ve been reading talks a lot about Einstein. (And if that children’s biography I read in 4th grade was fairly accurate) Some of Einstein’s teachers thought he was mentally challenged. He had to overcome that obstacle in his life, and in turn, became one of the greatest scientists of this modern world. Is there any adversity I’ve had to overcome? Yes, obviously no one’s life is perfect. But out of adversity is born either triumph, or failure. One might even be able to argue that my adversity is that I haven’t had much adversity at all, and that I need to struggle to become something great without having to struggle much.


Yeah, so I don’t know. Maybe my life is cushy. Maybe I suffer a lot emotionally; I’m not really sure. It’s just nice to be able to write my thoughts onto paper. Although, do you ever think a thought, and realize you’ll never be able to really get it onto paper? Maybe I just lack the grammatical tact to transfer this thought, but that’s how I feel about this one. Regardless, I’ve got some form of it on this note; so I feel good. Quite good.




*As, yet another, side note: I’d like to thank my parents for all those years that I wanted to stay up late and watch late night telly. I greatly appreciate (now) their wisdom in making me go to bed early. It made me sit there, and (one again) think. Just be creative, only with my thoughts. I had to entertain myself with being simply creative to lull myself to sleep. Unfortunately, I suffer from this disease. I have really ambitious, cool sounding thoughts when I go to bed, and when I wake up, they take on this absolutely dumb exterior (and possibly interior). But those formative years as a kid really encouraged my creativity. So, thanks Mom and Dad.

Thoughts of a Regular Guy

Right. So I’m sitting in Starbucks. Listening to my life go by. Lyrically I guess. I just love putting my iPod on shuffle. It brings me through time. I can’t explain why music is so closely tied to my heart, my emotions: who I am. A few days ago, a friend had introduced me to the idea that what we really care about is the beat behind the music. And the more I have thought about this, the more it makes sense. Rap, country, hip-hop, punk, emo, indie, and every other grungecoremetalscreamofast

pacedmellowballad band have a fairly distinct beat.

Nevertheless, music is closely tied to everything that I am. It also might be that girls have just been close to my heart. Looking back, I find that girls really influence my music taste. Certain songs can bring back that feeling in the pit of my stomach instantly. Without hesitation, I retrace my step in my memory as to why things went wrong, what could have been different. I guess the saddest part is probably when I think back to a girl, and there are no songs tied to her. Not so much sad as disappointing I suppose. I’m disappointed that what seemed like the biggest deal in the world at the time turned out to be something I can hardly remember.

My personality is even changed a lot by music. I find myself more outgoing when I listen to certain music, yet more introverted when listening to other genres. This sort of goes the same with movies; but that affects my overall mood within a shorter time frame. As a side note, when I watch movies, I feel less creative, and lose inspiration. Music inspires me. I’ve always had ideas of directing movies in my brain, but never really thing about them in actuality.

Digging deep into my core, I know that the reason a movie does not inspire me is because I know there is so much that goes into making a movie, but I have no idea where a movie really begins. Maybe my ideas are already the beginning of a movie. I’m not sure (like a lot of other things in my life). But I digress.

I’ve also found myself at a strange point in my faith. Maybe it is just the culture I’ve been exposed to my whole life, but I find things harder and harder to prove concrete. I guess there are the basics, which I believe are concrete, and not able to be proven or disproven, which I still believe all of those to be true. But those other crazy things, that may or may not have been made up along the way, or changed, or accidentally brought about by a mere slip of the pen. I’ve got a lot of questions, and the comforting, yet frightening thing is that I know so many people who also are asking the same things. This comforts, because I know I’m not alone in this big void world. But scares me at the fact that no one has yet answered these basic questions. Maybe the thing is that they aren’t basic. Maybe I’ve already got those basics. I’m unsure of what is basic anymore. I’m equally unsure of what truth is. Is it a personal expression of the world you perceive? Is it a fact that exists beyond everything else? Is it a factual thing that is expressed differently in each individual’s experiences?
And the list goes on. With questions of the like, and others that vary from hell, tattoos, heaven, Jesus, disciples, apostles, movies, music, TV, Sundays, children, parents, marriage and just about everything else that has ever existed before I wrote this.

Now, a lot of people would be scared by these thoughts, but I overheard a comforting conversation a few days ago over the ocean, and it made me realize something. Some people expect that those in the Church don't experience doubt or question things; but your average layperson is able to struggle through these things without much concern for their faith. I find that there out to be a middle ground. We should probably through out the concept of a "layperson", and we should also be more tolerant of people who are unsure. While you may be rock solid in what you believe, others are always in a different place from where you are. I guess what I'm saying is, if your reading this and thinking "Oh my lanta! Mark Bingham doesn't believe anything!". This is a false statement. I believe. But just understand that right now, I'm figuring out what it is that I believe.

But back to the music thing (and maybe this is just me) but do you ever find yourself absolutely engulfed in a song? A song that overpowers all of your feelings, emotions, thoughts. Not to the point of zoning out, but to the point of thinking, “If only this song could play in my ears all day…”. Now, maybe I’m alone here, but I can’t help but think about how much music moulds me. It gives me a sense of direction, a sense of purpose, and newness. But to think, “Who are these people that are writing the songs I breathe the beat incessantly to?”. I can only answer with a simple phrase, “Anyone who either has the talent to make it big on their own (of course with a little help here and there); or complete sell outs.” Now that is a big generalization. I may be crossing some sort of musical boundary here, and if I have, I apologize. But music is an art, right? And art is an expression, right? So then is there even any musical boundaries that I can cross? I have a hard time buying (if anyone really is trying to sell) the fact that music can be created by a formula. Now, music theory is much more like math than I’d like to admit, and I know it’s all very formulaic; but still, there is bound to be (at the very least) some semi-famous musicians out there who aren’t even sure what music theory is. They might abide by the rules, and play music within these limits, but they do not know that music theory is really there. So maybe there are boundaries are rules and regulations in music. But I guess this is just like the argument of religion. So let’s say there’s God. And he sets up rules and regulations. So someone abides by these things. But what happens when man sets up his own precepts? The whole [religious] world would shun a man for disobeying these laws set up by man because they are “truth”. But this man may be right, above and beyond others knowledge.

I don’t know. I guess sometimes I need to write my thoughts out, and let people read them. Feedback or not; that felt good.

And if you got this far, thanks for reading.

(Ironically, I wrote this note on Christmas Eve at StarDucks when I woke up about 6 a.m. because my sleep schedule was a bit messed up. I am again, sitting in a (different) StarDucks. Life is funny I guess. Made things easier, so that the beginning of this post was still sort of true...)